if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
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