there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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