this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
