so explain again why im purple
no
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
