Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
