i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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