I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
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It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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