Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
