Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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