the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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