Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Farmville is her only friend.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
