That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
