We won't sleep together?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
