the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
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Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize