from now on my penis is your penis
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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