no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize