I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
