I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
