hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
