I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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