I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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