this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
We need to rekindle our bromance
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
