You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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