I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
