i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
