It's like a parade of train wrecks.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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