Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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