I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
