Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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