walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
