I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
