Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
My balls are so social today.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
