Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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