trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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