he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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