Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
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