just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
