He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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