her vagine was all disorganized.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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