I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
