I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
