You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize