Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
