Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
