$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
