Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
