I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
