did you get engaged???
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
