i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
my liver is dry heaving
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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