Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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