its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
40s are totally the cure
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
