apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
