I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Screwed.edu
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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