I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
