Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
