Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
