We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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