he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
