john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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