Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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