I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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