oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
