She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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