I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
