Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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