girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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