Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
