Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
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