Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
