bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
