You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
