my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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