I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
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The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
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There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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