If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
