The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
