I accidentally burped into my bong.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
